btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
