Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
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If its not for food we ain't going out.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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