3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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