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nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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