i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
