she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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