You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Someone shit on the floor
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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