Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
