You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
