FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
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