Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
