so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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