at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
