I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
