I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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