I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I will pee on everything he values.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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