That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
