She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
