I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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