I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
