If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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