he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
time to smoke my breakfast
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
