Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
