Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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