1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
