I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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