Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.