he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to