go do what you do best...puke behind churches
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
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my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
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It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.