I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I don't think tits should taste like fish.