there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
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I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.