My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
