My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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