i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I wear drunk well.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
