I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
