it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
