I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
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just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
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Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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