I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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