My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
