He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
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