I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
