My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
