Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
It's blow job season.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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