Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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