My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
