You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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