Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Randomize
