just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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