About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
