When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
im holly from the hills drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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