I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
