Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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