Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
