If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
