I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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