Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
