wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
