Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
