And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
