i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
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